Poker and emigration (part 3)

It has been months since my last blog and a lot happened in my life. I broke up with my girlfriend, so I decided it was time to travel and clear my mind. After that it was difficult to get back on the grind, but now I’m almost back on track. But that is not the topic I want to write about. This blog will be about why I moved to another country and travel around and how this affects my life. Do I feel at home everywhere, or nowhere at all.


The obvious reason for immigration are the bad taxes in my country. But I think I always wanted to live abroad, explore, discover and find adventure. I settled on Italy, it's a beautiful country, good food and a nice-sounding language I can’t speak. I figured I would try to learn it but life got in the way (as usual). I live in a small village with approximately 2000 residents, and probably about 20 that speak English. You can imagine it is difficult to build a social life here, I am doomed to live like a hermit, or learn the language --> Hermit it is!


At the moment a poker friend lives with me with whom I lived before, so I have someone to actually talk to in real life. But even if I live here alone or travel around by myself I don’t feel lonely. For some reason Facebook, Whatsapp or Skype is enough for me to keep loneliness away. I’m used to no human interaction, I’m not sure if this is a positive or negative development. In the movie Cast away Tom Hanks turns his volleyball into a person to communicate with. My phone is my Mr. Wilson. Without it I think my life will be a lot more difficult and more lonely. I remember the scene he loses Mr. Wilson, I imagine I would feel the same emotions losing my phone even though it’s not completely the same. Through my phone I connect with friends and family but it is still just an object even though it feels different to me.


Right now I’m planning to travel to South America for a while in 2014, start in Colombia and go from there. My Spanish is better than my Italian, I am going to force myself to take some Spanish lessons while I am there. Even though it seems like I’m living the dream by going anywhere I want and do whatever I want, when I want it. It doesn’t feel like that to me. I don’t really have “dreams” anymore. I just do whatever sounds like fun or new to me. I don’t think I appreciate the options and possibilities I have got as much as I should. I have no clue how to change that. I try to “stop and smell the roses” in small moments, like a beautiful sunset or on a nice autumn day like today when I can see the vineyards changing colors. I know happiness is in the small things in life, and that’s what I am trying realize on a daily basis. But I want to enjoy the highlights of life too. I realize I am in the prime of my life, and I’m doing all the things people dream they could do, or would have done in their life. And it’s frustrating that I can’t find joy or happiness in that. Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed or unhappy. I just feel I’m not getting maximum value out of my life. I’ve thought about going back to Holland, but I am scared that in the future I will regret all the opportunities I missed. Also I’m not even sure I will find peace of mind and happiness there. I rather regret the things I did do, than the things I didn’t do. This makes me kind of restless.


Because I moved to another country I have lost some friends, and some ties with family got lost. But the friendships I maintained grew stronger. I make an effort to keep in touch and when I visit Holland I spend quality time with them. Some friends already visited me abroad, and I’m sure more will follow. I have a small brother and sister (13 and 9 years old) and I regret that I have to see them growing up through facebook. A couple of months ago I was in Holland and my brother suddenly had a lower voice. Which made me happy because slowly he is growing into a man, but at the same time made me realize I am missing their childhood. But traveling around the world also gave me the opportunity to meet many interesting people. Some of them I am happy to call my friends. While traveling you meet a lot more open minded people, people with a similar way of life, people with similar views on life.


Traveling definitely gives me a unique life experience, even though I’m uncertain it will be useful in my future life. It made me practice my social skills. Talk to strangers every day while traveling and I still do, now that I’m back in Europe. During my travels I also found a new way of life which fits me well for now: “life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. If you stay in your comfort zone life will become boring. I need to reach out of my comfort zone to feel excitement and to feel alive! Even though I see so many new places and things, it all feels the same. It’s because I am already comfortable going from place to place and live in strange countries so it in my comfort zone. I have to find it in different more extreme things or I will be bored out of my mind very soon. But it can also be in very simple things. Like start an awkward conversation about something that bothers you or makes you curious. Or you see a good looking girl on the street and you just walk up to her to say “hi”. The more things you do that are out of your comfort zone, the wider your comfort zone will grow.


So when will I be done with traveling and where will I settle? These are questions I ask myself every day and I can’t come up with a satisfying answer. I know traveling is currently just a way to kill boredom and honestly I am just making sure I wont regret not traveling for when I no longer can. . I made a very long bucket list with countries I want to visit and things I want to do, which should keep me occupied for at least another couple of years. This should give me enough time to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Maybe I will just fall in love somewhere and just stay there forever.. That actually sounds like a pretty solid plan to me.


A friend send me this quote by Imam Shafi’l RH this week. I found some comfort in it and hope my restlessness is normal in some way.


“The intelligent and refined find no rest in dwelling in one place,

So leave your homeland and travel far away!

Travel and you will meet new people replacing those left behind,

And tire yourself out, because it makes life worth living!

I have seen that water stagnates when it stands still,

Yet when I runs it is sweet and pure.

And if a lion left not its land,

It would not catch its prey

And if the arrow left not the bow,

It would not hit its aim

And if the sun moved not across the horizon,

People the world over would have tired of the sky”


- Imam Shafi’I RH